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The Milf, the Mime and the Maniac/Transcript
[ Disclaimer read by Ash ] Delia: Ahh...after ten years of raising that son of a bitch...we finally get the relaxation we deserve! Isn't that right honey? Mr. Mime: Getting you pregnant was a mistake. Ash: Mom! Dad! I finally found you guys! Delia: How many times do we have to tell you this?! Me and daddy are on our second honey-moon! And you're supposed to be with the old man we pawned you off on! Remember? This is where you'll be staying for eight years! I MEAN DAYS! Ash: Bring me back a little brother! Professor Oak: This chocolate actually came from a Tauros...But you shouldn't be able to tell the difference! Delia: Look! The nice old man even celebrates Easter! Ash: Easter... Professor Oak: Why don't you hold on to this? It's starting to smell. Delia: And if anything comes up...You don't have my number! Professor Oak: Oh okay, Wait, WHAT?! Sequence Title Card read by Ash: The Milf, the Mime and the Maniac! Ash: Thanks for holding on to my Easter egg, Mom! Delia: I don't like the idea of you carrying this Tauros shit around... Taros: HEY! Mr. Mime: Hey look! A fruit market! Ash: But Mom, I don't like fruit. Delia: And that's why I'm gonna shove it down your throat!! I hope these have a giant pit! Ash: I'm going exploring! BYE! Delia: He's gone... Mr. Mime: Hotel-room...NOW! Ash: *whew* I thought we'd never outrun that killer clown! *panting noises* Pikachu: Well, you're the one who threw the rock at him... Ash: Huh? What's this way? Wow! This is the best McDonald's Playpark I've ever seen! Pikachu: This is clearly an Arby's Playpark! Ash and Pikachu: THIS IS GONNA BE TOTALLY AWESOME!! Ash: Huh? Pikachu: Holy crap...she's hot! Ash: Just look at those legs! Pikachu: NO! Not the trainer, her Pokémon! Wait...None of them even have legs...Just little feet stubs... Ash: So it's a double-date! Let's go! Pikachu: #TheNeed2Breed! Lillie: Watch out!! Ash: Watch out for what? There's nothing even...THERE!!! Mallow: Oh shit! Another pedestrian? Lillie: Are you okay? Ash: Oh...I hurt all over...But in a good way! Anyways, where do you wanna go for dinner? Lillie: I don't even know you! But I did see your Tinder profile...It...was pretty good... Mallow: Hey! You alright? Is there something I can give you so you don't sue me for that? That would be the third time this month! Ash: Yeah! If any of those Tauros lay an egg, let me have it! Lana: So you're single and ready to mingle? Mallow: No dumbass, he's obviously a new stu- Ash: I'm Ash Ketchum, and I'm looking for babes! Right Pikachu? Pikachu: The brochure lied about all the girls wearing bikinis on this island... Ash: Wow...This play park is bigger than I thought! Where do I order? Mallow: Actually it's a school. Ash: Really? Mallow: Yeah, let me show you around. Lana: So I guess they're a thing now. Lillie: Damn! I liked him. Ash: Wow! It's like a real-life Animal Crossing museum. Where's that stupid owl? Rowlet: F*ck. you. Ash: This place is awesome! The only thing that could make this better is if my parents were here... Mr. Mime: Aw shit! Delia: Aw, hell no! Why are you here too!? Principal Oak: Welcome, Satoshi! Ash: Who the hell is Satoshi?! I'm Ash. Principal Oak: That's a very nice name, Sacha. Mallow: I guess you're not a student after all. Sorry! Ash: Actually, my mom just paid an eight year tuition for me, whatever the hell that is. Professor Oak: Hey, cuz, thanks for taking that air freshener off my hands. Principal Oak: As soon as I get over this cold, I can't wait to smell it! Mallow: If you don't mind, I'm gonna show Ash around some more! Ash: Hey, let's go play down there!! Mallow: Why don't we just play with each other up here? Professor Kukui: Hey! What the hell are you two up to? Mallow: Oh my God, it's him! Ash: What's so special about him? Mallow: Just that he's the sexiest teacher in the whole school! Ash: What's so sexy about him? Mallow: Imagine if I went around with an open shirt like that. Ash: I see your point... Professor Kukui: Yo the whole schools talking about you two. I just got a text asking when the wedding is. Ash: Well I haven't proposed to Lillie yet, and I think Mallow here is too scared to propose to Lana. Mallow: WHAT!?!?! Ash: Uh...what's going on down there? Team Skull Leader: Yo get the f**k outta the street, dawg. You're crampin' our style, bitch. Kiawe: I thought I told you if I saw you're boney asses around here again, I'd have Charizard cremate you! Team Skull Leader: You think we're scared of orange Barney over there? Kiawe: You were last time... Ash: The hell is going on here? Mallow: Those are former students that got expelled because they started a fire. Ash: How'd they start the fire? Mallow: Meth lab... Team Skull Leader: Let's settle this like men! Kiawe: That's not politically correct. There's a woman among you. Team Skull Grunt: There's a what? Kiawe: Never mind... Team Skull Leader: The people at Petco said these where the strongest Pokémon they had. Ash: I'm not going to let you cyberbully him anymore! Team Skull Leader: Huh? Kiawe: Who are you? Ash: I'm Ash Ketchup, and I'm looking for babes! Kiawe: Who? Anyways. get out of the way! Mallow: Ash, you're gonna get killed out there!!! Ash: Don't worry! I've defeated grunts like these around 940 times! Give or take a few specials... Kiawe: I like your attitude! Go, Gamera! Gamera: *monster roar* Ash: Go, Pikachu! Pikachu: Finally! Some action! Salandits: You cannot stop the fiesta-trio! Pikachu: Hate to say it, but I'm the only party Pokémon around here! Yungoos: Everyone, bite that turtle!! No one saw that coming... Ash: I LOVE THIS GUY!! Team Skull Leader: HIT 'EM WITH A FLAMETAIL!! Salandit: *RAWR!* Ash: Pikachu! Dodge that! Wait...that will hit me! AUGH! Salandit: *wilhelm scream* Kiawe: I'll finish this! Ash: Huh? Wow, that move was cool! Even if it only left a three foot crater, and the Pokémon are still alive! Team Skull Leader: This isn't the last you'll see of us! Lillie: Impressive Ash! You should stay here! Lana: Wow! That was so cool you guys! Mallow: Wow Ash, you were so awesome! Professor Kukui: You did good kid! Ya got moxy! Ash: Sweet! Cause I'm Foxy Loxy! Ouph! Last night was awesome mom! I don't even remember which girl I was with! Delia: Well, the Ketchum family has to grow somehow! But if you make me a grandma at this age, I'll kill you! Heheh! Ash: So you and dad just left without saying goodbye?! Delia: We just wanted to get away from getting away! Also, your father isn't wearing clothes again...Not that I'm complaining! Ash: Augh! I don't need to see his reproductive organs again! Bye mom! Have fun with dad!! Narrator: Having narrowly avoided seeing his own father's genitals...again...Ash runs off to the school, to have an adventure! What awaits him? Whatever it is, it's probably f**ked up!